#5 is in the books and although I still don't want to have to go through #6 I can see the end. It is like being in a race, as a dear friend puts it, a marathon and I am at the 26 mile mark. I would say I am probably at the 20 mile mark and am struggling for my second wind, for that last boost of energy so I can make it to the end. I will see this through though, no matter how I lag, no matter how tired I am, no matter how much I want to quit so the side effects will stop, I will make it.
The side effects are still as awful as they have been the one plus has been that I have been able to drink Sprite. Upsets me that I broke my no soda rule, but dehydration vs soda....No real question there. Even Dr. Straughn told me that you almost have to have soda during chemo. I've tried, I really tried to avoid it so I guess that I went almost the entire course of treatment without having one should be something to celebrate.
The bone pain has been equally as bad as the previous treatments but as I promised, it has almost been localized to my ankle that is in a cast. Last night was so bad that I barely slept and I've been taking Epsom salt baths but since I have a cast....No go. Hopefully this thing will be off on Tuesday, umm no this thing WILL be off on Tuesday even if I have to take it off myself so I will be able to soak if I need to.
I do have a rash, well the rash that I had on my back is worse and I have a rash on my head. I call it a rash but after some googling last night I think it is more like acne than a "rash" and I do NOT know what to do. It is a bit painful especially the areas that get rubbed by clothing and it doesn't look pretty, those areas on my head, but without knowing what I can do about it I am kind of lost.
Throughout this journey there have been ups and there have been downs. There has been promises of help if needed and none to be found when it was needed and called for. What I thought might have brought us siblings together didn't and instead the journey has at times, made me feel more alone than ever. I have realized that family doesn't necessarily mean blood and that those people who call you every morning, or every Thursday even if to just leave a message that says "I love you and am thinking of you" are just as much family as those who share the same lineage and that neighbors mean more in my neighborhood than just people who live next door. I have learned that annoying little sisters can still be annoying as adults but it is out of love they are annoying and you love her for her annoyance and desperately wish she were closer to be annoying than Hawaii. :) Most of all I have learned I am stronger than I thought possible and very soon I will be able to say I faced cancer and that I fought and I am a survivor.
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