2013 Goals

Back to back posts as I am waiting on the cold medicine to kick in again.

I am that person who like the other millions across the world, would make resolutions and then by the first day I had already broken them. The last couple of years I chose NOT to make any resolutions but this year I am going to set goals for myself.

1) Continue to do well in school. I would like to continue making straight A's but will be happy with my grades as long as I am doing my best.

2) Continue working out. I love it. Crazy that the fat girl loves to work out but she does. If I had taken on working out when I quit smoking maybe I wouldn't have gained that weight but the past is the past and the now is the now and I can honestly say over the last year I have completely turned a table in that aspect.

3) Run. I want to run. I have joined the Mile A Day Challenge, and the 365 miles in 365 days. I WILL DO THIS!

4) Run my first 5k on my 39th birthday! Rome Georgia, Berry College.

5) Overcome the few eating obstacles I need to overcome. I have cut out the sodas this year, I have stopped going out to eat for lunch and I really try to choose to make healthier choices. Not to say there aren't days where I eat something I shouldn't but most days I chose to make the right choices. Other than today...I need to find options for when I am sick and overtired.

6) Through all of this I would like to see the inches continue to come off and hope that it will equate to pounds coming off as well. I get frustrated that the scale isn't moving but I am excited that I can wear clothes in a smaller size.

7) I will be happy with me and any progress I make. I won't beat myself up.


There are many, many more resolutions that I have but it is appearing that the cold medicine is kicking in and I am losing focus.


For now

Today has not been a good day

After a very exciting Saturday night today has NOT been a good day for me all around. I realize I don't stress eat, but when I am exhausted and/or tired I eat so today I have eaten.

When I finally woke up this morning I made the decision that I was going to make soup for dinner. It was 9:30. I woke Lorissa, made my list and fixed me a cup of coffee. We were on our way to Wal-Mart and I was hungry and I knew she was hungry so we stopped at Huddle House. I don't know what I go to places for breakfast because I am limited on what I can eat at places like that for breakfast. Stupid egg allergy severely limits you. Anyway I ordered a single gravy biscuit and an order of bacon. I didn't overeat but it wasn't a good choice.

We picked up what we needed a Wal-Mart and made our way home. I put away the groceries and fixed myself some pretzel sticks, then an orange, and then it was two of the reeses peanut butter thumbprint cookies. Then the cold medicine kicked in and it was nap time. I almost overslept and missed picking Lorissa up but made it there, picked her up and got home and fixed me a little bowl of soup. I can say it was a small bowl, but then the small bowl led to another small bowl. It was then nap time again.

After the second nap (it was about 5:30 then) I ate another bowl of soup and then a small slice of the cake I make for Christmas that no one has eaten. Pineapple, mandarin oranges, cool whip YUMMM. Since then I have eaten another two cookies.

As I said I have come to the realization that stress doesn't cause me to overeat but the being overtired and sick kick my butt. I guess that should be a goal of mine for this year. I need to find away to stop doing that. I can overcome that. I have overcome so many other issues with eating. I have cleaned up my diet beyond what I even thought I could do. I am at the gym just about everyday of the week. When other people are out on Friday nights I am at the gym working out. So now this. I can do this. I have to find a way to say no when days like today happen.

Jeans Adventure

I used my lunch break to go buy a new pair of jeans. The jeans I am wearing today are a little on the big side plus I am taking my daughter to a concert tomorrow night and I wanted a decent pair to wear. Going against my "normal" routine of NOT trying on clothes before I buy them I decided today would be different. Although I felt like I could wear a smaller size it is usually my luck that I buy a smaller size and can NOT wear it when I get it home. So I walked into Cato and scoured the clearance and found ONE, JUST ONE size smaller than the size I have been in. I nervously asked to try them on. Nervous you may ask? Well hell yes nervous. Talk about giving your ego a beating if a size doesn't fit but this time when I pulled on the jeans they FIT! They buttoned with no problem and I could even buckle the belt. I didn't end up getting them because I didn't like the legs but they fit! My next stop was next door to Tractor Supply. Tractor Supply carries my FAVORITE jeans, Wranglers. Although I was a little more confident that I could wear a smaller size in them as well, I was still a bit nervous. I pick up two pairs, one in a classic fit, one is a relaxed fit. I try on the classic and...THEY FIT! Oh Wranglers how I have MISSED you!!!!! I knew if the classic style fit then the relaxed would fit as well, plus I liked the color better in those for the concert. I pull them on and not only do they fit but I could have gone down ANOTHER SIZE in them. Unfortunately I am short and this particular size was too long and because they are on sale right now there was not a smaller size in a shorter length. :(   BUT I walked out of there with a pair of jeans that I love and even if I don't wear them tomorrow night I have my favorite jeans back. I always wear my Wranglers OUT, seriously wear them out. This time though I hope that I don't wear them out but instead that I am able to get another size smaller soon.

It is amazing to me that although the number on the scale isn't going down I am getting "smaller". Old habits die hard though and I found myself reading an article on how to lose 10 pounds in 8 days or some crap like that. I had to remind myself that I am looking to make a permanent change not a short term change. I WILL NOT allow myself to get caught up in the diet world anymore. I won't stop eating carbs totally, I won't take a pill, I won't fast, I won't do any of that anymore. I will do this the RIGHT way. I have damaged my body, my mind and my soul by all of the years of yo-yo dieting and it is time all of me heals from it. This is it! I hope that in the next year as I continue writing this silly blog, that I am sure no one pays attention to, I will have more milestones to celebrate than just this one. No I shouldn't say I hope, I should say... I look forward to sharing more milestones like this one and I can't wait until I have a before and after picture to share as well.

Happy Day!

Cardio with a side of Legs and Abs

I keep hearing that you could do Abs every day so last night I did abs, and tonight I did abs and tomorrow I plan to do abs. I also did legs tonight and 30 mins on the elliptical. I kept upping the speed and resistance on the elliptical every 5 minutes so by the time I was finished I was sweating like I had been in a sauna. It felt GREAT!

Food hasn't been an issue today as a matter of fact food isn't normally an issue for me. I have managed to cut out the lunch time cup of tea and have increased my water by about 5 more glasses a day. I have probably drank a gallon of water both yesterday and today. I am actually considering buying a gallon jug and making myself drink it everyday. I had expected to get a caffeine headache but I guess cutting out the one glass I was having everyday wasn't enough to cause me to have headaches from withdrawls.

I am exhausted though. I know part of it is the thyroid, I also know part of it is the lack of sleep from the holidays but I think I am working out so hard that my body is ready for bed at right now (9:00). I will be glad when I am back on a normal schedule and when my thyroid is regulated and when I have lost enough weight that it isn't affecting my entire body.

I will get there....I WILL GET THERE!

I survived the holidays

It is over, well with the exception of New Year's and I survived and all in all I didn't do too badly with food and exercise. Now I haven't worked out since Thursday because of everything but I wasn't sedentary by any means. There was lots of cleaning to be done and lots of cooking to be done so I am pretty sure that accounts for something, lots of somethings. :) 

But with it being over there is no time like the present to get stricter with the diet. Not like I have a lot of things to cut out but I do need to increase my water more, and want to up my intake of vegetables more and pick out more of a variety in fruits. 

I am sad because I had hoped to go into January about 30 pounds lighter but I am only going in 15 lighter. The goal of 10 pounds a month was beat down by a stupid thyroid but I am going in 3" smaller in the waist and the hips. Guess I can't be too entirely disappointed right? It will be nice to get to a point where other people notice for now I guess I need to be content with the things I see, with what the tape measure tells me, with being a able to wear a beautiful coat I was given two years ago that was so tight it was uncomfortable. Those positives are the things I must allow to motivate me, to keep the disappointment away. 

I will NOT turn 39 and be a cow. I will NOT turn 39 and not like who I see in the mirror and although I will turn 39 and still have a distance to go I will NOT turn back on this. I CAN accomplish this!

I wanna be a runner

I want to be a runner. I have tried off an on for the last year to be a runner and tonight I started once again. I wasn't sure I was up for it but I did it! I started working on the C25k again and it went perfectly tonight, perfectly. For a change I could see me actually being a runner instead of just wanting to be one.  30 Minutes and I was exhausted, 30 minutes and according to my watch I burned 437 calories, 30 minutes that I can't wait to improve upon.

Now to make it through the holidays.

Body Envy and Final Exams

I have body envy. I find myself looking at other women and thinking, "I want a boody like hers" or "I want boobs like her, and a butt like her". In my head I see myself having a body like these women. One day I will be one of them, won't I?  I mean I am putting in the work and I am watching the food so one day I will have the body that other women who are busting their butts will want, won't I? I don't necessarily want to cause someone to have body envy but I would like to be an inspiration for other people. I want people to see me and what I have been able to accomplish and know that if I can make such a huge change they can as well.

Final exams are making it a little more difficult this weekend. Luckily my last one is on Tuesday and then I am free until January when classes start again. Oh the joys of being old and going back to school. On my break I need to start training for my first 5k. March 23rd is rapidly approaching and that is my present to myself...Run that 5k. Now that I will have a little more time for however short a period it will be, I need to take advantage of it.

Speaking of taking advantage of time, I must take advantage of the quiet and get to sleep. Tomorrow is trainer day and the day before my final. Whoopie!

PLANKS SUCK!

At least that is how I felt tonight when my workout with Kristi was done. Damn evil planks, of course I hate squat thrusts even more so I guess I will pick planks if I had to. I have a hard time understanding how people would do planks for fun. Of course I think those planks are different than the planks I did tonight. Seriously though, planks, mountain climbers, squat thrusts, push up and jumping jacks (dreaded jumping jacks especially with those of us with big boobs), I hurt but it is a good hurt.All for a good cause all so that the skinny, healthy girl in me gets to break away from this fat girl that is currently holding her hostage.

Was a good weekend of eating and have continued it on today. Of course if I don't stop eating this homemade hummus I won't have to worry about vampires ever. I think I smell like a garlic clove but it is like crack I just can't STOP eating it. I think I may need a hummus intervention, but I will need everyone to wait til it is all gone first.

Pants I wore today were loose. Not falling off loose but loose, comfortable loose.

BUT AUGH!!!! Kristi took my measurements tonight. I am sure hers are closer than the ones I take of myself but as long as I see a difference in the measurements I take then we are all good. A general guideline right? We will take mine again on Jan 10th. I hope more than anything to see a good loss.

Well it is time to focus on something other than weight loss and get to studying. Two more finals and I get a break for a couple of weeks.

FINALLY!!!!!!

I stepped on the scale yesteday and I had FINALLY lost 3 pounds. I was ecstatic. I was elated. I think I did a happy dance. Then yesterday when I headed to the gym my sports bra seemed a little loose. So I hooked the extender tighter and it still seemed too loose so I took the extender off and low and behold my sports bra fits WITHOUT the extender!!!!!!!  HOLY HAPPY MOMMA!!!!!! I actually KNOW I did a happy dance then! For the last year I have had to use an extender with that sports bra and now I am free of the extender and I am NEVER going back!!!!!!!!

I also yesterday decided to have my thyroid checked again. I was overdue for a test and as I suspected it was off (5.82) so they have upped my meds again. Oh the fun, but it makes a lot of sense. I mean I have been having all of the syptoms that it was off but it was a matter of finding the time to have it checked again. Hopefully I will not only feel the better soon but will drop more weight. I am going to hold off on the talk with the Dr again about the Armour Thyroid. I want to see what this will do.

Eating is better although I am craving a piece of cake that I made for Lorissa's birthday. Really having to fight that temptation and if it were any other night I would just go to bed but since I have to stay up my willpower is going to be tested.

Well time for me to find something to do until I can go to bed. I need water, water and maybe some grapes.

I did it.....

I upped my calories to 1600. Does anyone know how sick that made me to do that? Why can't I just lose weight? And then it would figure that tonight I am STARVING! STARVING! I could eat a cow!!!!!!

DAMN! I had to help my daughter with her science project and I ate 2 gummy worms, an orange slice and a couple sixlets. DAMN ME! Ok not gonna freak, not gonna freak.

I hate, hate , HATE that I didn't get to work out tonight. Just means that tomorrow, after the Dr, after taking the daughter to get her permit I will have to get a work out in. Must do it early because I need to try to take two finals and be at the gym for the basketball game at 4. Then after the basketball game I have to work concession and then make enchiladas for Lorissa's birthday dinner.

Friday the goal will be again to work out early because it is the big day...Coronation. Her first formal dance. A day full of stress for Momma.

I need to stop stressing about all of it.

It's A Process

Sometimes I need to remember this. I am in this for the long haul not the short haul.

Early Morning Rumblings

I know I shouldn't weigh everyday but getting me to not weigh everyday is virtually impossible. i weigh EVERYDAY! Sometimes twice a day. Yes obsessed I know. Some would tell me to throw the scale out but I want to upgrade. If I could have a scale here and at work I would be happy. Maybe when I do upgrade I will do that and take the crappy one to work. Maybe though I should do what others do.

There is a woman who I am "friends" with on myfitnesspal and she doesn't weigh but once, maybe twice a month. So she weighed yesterday and had lost like 6 pounds. I so wish I could see a loss like that. The trainer saying she could see a difference in my shape last night helped, but only a little because here we are 12 hours later and I am so frustrated I could cry. I think the scale hates me!

I took in 1426 in calories yesterday. Maybe that is a sign that it isn't enough calories. If my BMR is 1479 maybe I should up my calories to 1600 and see what will happen. Maybe it is just TOO LOW! DAMN IT I just need someone to say, yes you are eating enough, no you aren't eating enough.Maybe I should ask my trainer. That sounds like a good idea. I will text her today Maybe my body is going into starvation mode.

Hmmm...Time to take that question to the one I am paying to help me.

Good, Bad, And other

Aftter my feel sorry for myself blog this morning I found out when I weighed that it is possible I lost a pound. I didn't log it because I am afraid that it isn't true. I know silly but it is entirely possible.

Good note. Tonight the trainer said she can tell that I have lost weight. She said she could see it in my body but more so in my face. That was a huge compliment. I think I see little changes too but still too early to tell. If only someone who hasn't seen me for a while could tell me they see a change.

Eating was better today but could have still been even better. I need to seriously buy some food for work because I just don't have anything there. Maybe I can make that a priority this weekend. I ned to make it a priority, if I don't I worry I won't make it through Christmas with a 100 pound weight gain.

Bad things....Chafing on my thighs. OUCH! Chafing in other places! My watch is giving me hell! and I have to get to studying for finals!

I just want to make it through the next few weeks.

Frustrated this morning. I have one kid who is sick but I am sending him to school anyway. One kid who has an away basketball game that I can't go to and who needs a ride to the game because our school puts the responsibility of getting to away games on parents. Well SOB I work! I hate that I am going to miss it as it is but now I have to stress about how she is getting there and have to rush tonight to pick her up.

All of that added to the I stood ont he scale and I haven't lost a pound. I realize my weekend eating wasn't great but after the weight loss in October I haven't lost a pound. Really? Something is seriously wrong with that and today that on top of the other stress is really depressing me. How is it possible I haven't lost a single pound?

Damn I need to go get ready for work. I just want to crawl back in bed and be depressed there.  :(

Correcting a weekend of bad eating

I ate HORRIBLY this weekend. When I woke I had good intentions and then I ate a cinnamon roll. I didn't beat myself up for it cause hey stuff happens and then came lunch. Two and a half hours of dress shopping with my daughter and I was famished. BAD, BAD thing because I caved and got the pork by product yumminess that only comes around once a year. Ok I thought you can always do better tonight..WRONG! I did eat the hamburger we grilled on one slice of wheat bread. That was about the best choice I made all day. Even though I did bad I still didn't beat myself up and then...

Then came Sunday.....

Sunday I made pancakes...Log Cabin All Natural Pancakes and bacon. I kept myself in check and then lunch was taco salad dip and chips and then we went to the movies and I had nachos and popcorn, and then more taco salad dip and then salad (Yay vegetables) and then the kicker...cake. Yummy cake..Bad for you cake.

So when I woke this morning I thought "Jessica you ate like crap today is the day to recover". So I ate my granola cereal and had a tangerine and then lunch. I usually keep food at work but of course I am out so instead of going to the grocery store I went and grabbed something. Chick-Fila. I got the Spicy Chargrilled wrap but yes I got the waffle fries to go with. I knew the fries would be bad but it wasn't until I logged later in the day that I realized how truly awful I did. So tonight I had to correct my mistake.

Before I hit the gym I had 75 calories left for the day. Umm yeah that is NOTHING. By the time I left I had over a 1000 again. An hour of cardio..Elliptical and Treadclimber. I am so sore right now I can barely walk. And for dinner I had a salad and some chicken breast. Not a bad recovery rightif I say so myself. I still feel fat though.  :(

I wonder sometimes if I will ever meet my goal. I get angry and frustrated with myself when I do crap like the last few days but I know that if I beat myself up for it I won't reach my goal. I don't wnat to give up this time. I want to see my goal through.

.

The numbers....

The post I have been meaning to write but haven't had the time to write.

My current Body Fat Percentage is 48.8%. A healthy range for body fat would be 25% which would put me at a weight of 151 lbs. So that means I need to lose 75 lbs instead of 100 lbs. Like 25 lbs would be a killer but 75 is just so much closer than 100.

On a good note. I have invested in a heart rate monitor watch that is proving to be very informative. I am rather impressed with myself too. My resting heart rate is within a normal range, not the range of someone who is as overweight as I am. I steadily record a heart rate of about 74 bpm. I am LOVING that when I work out I get a better picture of how I am doing and how many calories I am burning.

Oh so back to the other numbers...My BMR (Basal Metobolic Rate) is 1479 which means it is entirely possible that I am taking in too little calories than I need to take in for me to properly lose weight. According to the numbers, I should take in 2223 a day seeing that I am active. I am contemplating giving it a shot. Maybe that is part of my issue? I am scared though, what if it backfires? It has been like moving a mountain to lose the 12 I've lost but can I afford to NOT try? I've missed the 10 pound mark for November by 8 pounds and that makes me so sad I could cry. I just don't know what to do.

Need to research it more, maybe I can find the answer I am looking for. I hate to keep doing something wrong but then I hate that maybe I am doing something right and that by doing this could be doing something wrong. AUGH!!!!!!!!!! 

Mid Day Post

 My pants are too big. I know, I know that is a good problem I but they are so loose that I had to keep tugging them up as I walked across the parking lot at the grocery store. I didn't need to moon the entire town. Send them screaming for cover. Oh on the note of too big, I bought a new shirt yesterday at Lane Bryant and it is too big as well. I knew when I looked at it that it would probably be too big, but 9 times out of 10 lately when I get home with what I think is the right size, it is too small. I would just love it if I would get back into some of my smaller clothes. I hate that I am not there yet. Makes me frustrated, makes me sad, makes me crazy, crazier than I am.

Enough mid day thoughts. If I can get more homework knocked out tonight I need to post the numbers post. Today is one of the days I wish there were two of me.

A Reason To Be Excited?????

I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, ok mainly, mine, but there is a slight possibility I may see a change. This is the slightest of possibilities and in all reality it could be the mucinex liquid nighttime cen if it is a figment of y imagination toynighthen I sleep there s a good chance that I will dream of a slimmer me. As I stepped into the shower tonight for a brief moment I swear that the woman staring back at me looked a little different. A girl can hope right?

On another note.....today I compared heart rate monitors and have picked ot a  relatively inexoensive one that is on my want list. Ummmm could this be me? Really a heart rate monitor? Everything I want right now is fitness related and otger than a new pair of running shoes, this is near the top of my list of wants. I think it would be a good way to monitor my workouts and make sure I am getting all that I can from them. For instance, if I had one last night I could have more accurately tracked my actual calories burned versus the guess that I input into myfitnesspal. So....Santa if you read this...  :-)

Tomorrow night if all goes as planned, my entry will'be a lot of numbers. In addition to reviewing watches, I also found a way to determine my heart rate range and found a calculation to determine a healthy weight by more than a number on the scale.


**** This was written last night but I was using a tablet to do so. It decided near the end that No, it did NOT want to type anymore. I finally gave up and went to sleep. Maybe tonight it will be cooperative.

I suck at this.....

And not just the blogging. How does one eat right, workout 5 days a week, cardio and strength, and NOT lose any weight?

My goal was to lose 10lbs a month and so far November is looking AWFUL! Because I haven't lost anything I took measurements again last night. Maybe seeing something there will perk me up. The trainer told me last night to try to get excited when I see a difference in my clothes. She said that the scale will eventually catch up, but when? *Sigh*

On a different note, during last night's workout it became VERY apparent that my runniing shoes are shot. ust have to make it until after the first of the year to replace them. I may get some of the orthotic inserts and see if that will help.

I look forward to the day when I am finally at a healthy weight. I so hope it happens, and I SO hope that I can start seeing some progress.

Still a work in progress

It has been months since I last wrote an entry for my blog and so tonight when I decided to start documenting this attempt on my journey to lose this weight I decided that it was worthy of a new blog.

I am logging everything I eat. Not to say I don't have moments like haing a margarita for dinner but I am pretty good about what I eat. Grapes are now my friend at night and in the afternoon and I am really trying to limit the amount of processed foods I eat. That doesn't mean that I am not using Turkey Breast lunch meat or pre-made 100 calorie sandwich rounds, but I am trying to get as much of it out of my diet as possible. I am also drinking an insane amount of water but I don't think I am getting the 2.7 liters that is recommended for women to drink per my nutrition book. There are some days I feel like I am going to float away as it is but maybe I should give it a shot.

Workout wise I am trying to get back into the swing of things. I am trying to incorporate more strength training in additon to cardio. Everything I read says that is what you are supposed to do so....

This is Day 1, at least on here. It is actually day 35 in general. I have a goal to lose 10 lbs a month. Good or bad that is my goal and October proved to be a good month - 10 lbs gone. I would like to look and feel better by my birthday in March. Hope that by then I will be at least 40 lbs lighter, 50 would be better.

I know all of this is an uphill battle but I want it. I want it.