Chemo #4

I am officially over the half way mark. I was worried when I went in to see the oncologist on Tuesday that I was going to have to have another round added to make up for the one when the Taxotere tried to kill me but he thinks that I will be okay. So I guess I am on the downhill slide now right?
WOO HOO! To be honest with you though I think I would have cried if he had added another because if you ever thought chemo sucked bad, it sucks even worse.

I managed to also ask him a couple of things that I had been forgetting to ask, Thank Chemo Brain. I found out that my Ovarian Cancer was Endometriod Stage 1 otherwise known as a Surface epithelial-stromal tumour  and was 4cm. To me 4cm seems like a fairly large size for a mass, it may not be but looking at it on a ruler....WOW. I think back now on my rides home from work when I would be screaming in pain thinking I had pulled a muscle or had a UTI or when  there were times when I would for a moment think "Jessica this could be serious, what if it is cancer?" and how now I know that that mass was causing all of that pain and frustration. When I would have those thought I would try to knock them out as quick as I could. I mean I didn't want to be known as a "Debbie Downer". So now though, because I asked, I know what kind of cancer I had rather than just lumping it under the OvaCa umbrella.

I also asked about my appendix. When I was younger and had problems with ovarian cysts they always thought it was my appendix. The general consensus was that when Dr. Straughn did my hysterectomy he probably took it out but alas he did not. Of course now with no ovaries there is no mistaking my appendix for that but I wanted to be sure. I mean I have a history of thinking cancer is a UTI why would I think that appendicitis was anything other than that as well?

Chemo itself sucked. Ok not totally but it sucked as much as usual. My Mother, brother and daughter all went with me. I know we must of looked like the Clampetts coming in there, or Jessica's Cancer Entourage. Not sure why everyone wanted to go, I mean it isn't like it is entertaining or anything. I didn't get a nap this time, or not much of one. I was looking forward to the Benadryl knocking me out like #3 but instead I got a bad case of restless leg. No allergic reaction, I didn't eat a ton, it was fairly easy other than the nausea. I have noticed that the Taxol makes me more nauseous than the Taxotere did, but then again Taxotere tried to kill me so maybe I will take the nausea.

Brother dear picked up dinner from one of the yummiest rib places in Birmingham but to be honest with you even as I type this the sheer thought makes me queasy, of course it is 4 days later. Cereal as been a Godsend, Life Cereal that it and ice cream. I am finding fluids to be an issue though. I've tried Kool Aid, Tea, Water, Coffee, finally broke down and drank a Sprite yesterday after not having a soda for almost a yr and a half and today, well today I am drinking Root Beer. I can't seem to find a fluid that tastes good and quenches my thirst. Tomorrow I am think I am going to try ICE COLD water and maybe some lemonade and then if all else fails I will buy a watermelon and hope that helps.

The bone pain is crazy outrageous again. I think I could almost deal with all of the other symptoms if I could get rid of the bone pain. It was so bad tonight I took a sleeping pills which is obviously not working as I am typing this at almost 1am. I have taken warm baths which help temporarily but long term relief, there is none.

I also have lost my hair, yes the hair on my head is almost all gone again, but also the hair in other areas. AND I have a heat rash that other than making me feel like a leper is nothing more than uncomfortable. I saw, at Wally World, a cooling pad for the bed, I think I need to invest in one. It might be more beneficial than the 6000 fans and AC going in the house and maybe it might help with the heat rash. To an outsider I am sure the house feels like the Artic Circle, to my cancer, menopausal butt it is still warm. However, until I make the decision to purchase one, I think tomorrow may be an Aveeno bath kind of day or an oatmeal bath kind of day. Something relaxing and soothing, something to make the rash better.

One last line, tomorrow I will attempt to write an entry regarding what this has been like for those closest to me. I was told tonight that I needed to but I will admit that it will be hard. I am so focused on how I feel, on how treatment makes me feel, how cancer makes me feel that I am not sure that I know how all of this is affecting them. I mean I know some, but deep down I don't know. I can promise to try and hope to relay to them how much I love them and how much their support means to me.
  
Now I sign off, wish me luck sleeping.....


*****UPDATE******* I forgot to add in this post last night that my CA-125 has dropped to 7. Not as big a drop as I had anticipated but it is a good drop nonetheless.