This round of chemo has really sucked. If possible I think that it has sucked probably more, and sucked quicker, than the first round. Two days after and I am MISERABLE. I think I would be perfectly content with sleeping the side effects off if my hips and bed could agree to be comfortable. I think that I would be content with crying the yuckiness out if it were possible. Anything to just feel better, to get through it.
I was told at my last treatment to be at the office by 8am to have labs drawn, then by the time I met with Dr. Straughn my labs would be back and then I would be good to go at 9:20 for chemo. It didn't quite happen this way. Apparently a new system was implemented and it started on the first and it was chaos. No one was in to draw labs at 8, so it was almost 9 before those were drawn, didn't get back to see Dr. Straughn til 10 or later, and chemo didn't start til almost 2 hours later.
I went into chemo Tuesday hopeful that I would be able to get through the day without any issues. I was worried because of the reaction I had during the first treatment to the Taxotere but felt better after I asked my chemo nurse Jill what the chances were I would have a reaction again. Her answer "Not likely and we are giving you extra medicine to help keep it at bay." So I breathed a sigh of relief. The first allergic reaction was bad enough to forever be ingrained in my mind for the rest of my days. Little did I know that I would not only have another reaction but that it would be worse than the first one.
Jill started my premeds which included hydrocortisone, all was good. Then she started the Taxotere. I had asked for a bag of cheez-its and had just put about 3 of them in my mouth when it started. Again in the stomach like an alien trying to tear through me to get out, but then it got worse. All of a sudden it felt as if someone was squeezing my heart and my lungs. I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for air. Poor Mom at first didn't understand, and then when she realized what was happening, with the help of some of the other women in the chemo room with me, she took off. Jill came running along with two other nurses. More hydrocortisone, more Benadryl, more other meds and then was told "NO MORE TAXOTERE FOR YOU!" by Jill. I was scared, and relieved. Scared because of the reaction, scared because I was missing a key part of my treatment, but relieved because I truly thought that if it had gone on one moment longer I could have died right there in the chemo chair. Maybe that wasn't entirely possible but it felt that way. After about 30 mins Jill started the carboplatin and at about 3:30 I was done. Mom dropped me off at 5:30, so almost 12 hours later I was home and in bed.
Mom on the other hand had a little but of a longer day since she decided to blackout and get into a car accident breaking a few ribs and her wrist. I am so sorry Mom. I feel responsible because had she not taken me to chemo, she wouldn't have been driving, possibly. I know silly thinking but it is my thinking.
Now two days out and I feel miserable. The nurse from my ins company who called me on Friday told me that the side effects seem to get worse and hit quicker as treatments progress. I had hoped she was going to be wrong but I fully believe her now. I am miserable. I feel miserable. I want to cry, I want to just say enough is enough, but I won't. I wasn't raised that way. I keep telling myself that if maybe the rest of my hair will come out I could sleep more peacefully and that would improve my mood. If the hot flashes would stop I could rest more peacefully. If a number of things would happen, food, drink, talking, walking, nausea, would improve I would feel better, but I guess that will come next week right or the week after, just in time for the next treatment?
I think for now, I am going to go grab a Gatorade and crawl back into my bed and hope that my hips and my bed will, at least for a short time, agree to be comfortable. I will also pray, beg that the remainder of my hair will come out so that I won't have the scalp pain anymore. I will hope for anything that will give me rest, if only for a short period of time.
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